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in good conscience

let thine compass be thine guide... photo credit | wikicommons

let thine compass be thine guide…
photo credit | wikicommons

to what is your moral compass set? is it based upon what others would think if they knew…? do you look to see whether someone else might offer (dis)approval before you act? or are you looking within to what you think because you know what you’re doing and know better? this is all about choosing to do the right or wrong thing. and placing responsibility of doing so with one’s self.

i know exactly how it feels to sit in fear of being found out. i’ve done many a thing in this life that i’m admittedly, not so proud of. truth be told, going into each incident, something inside told me that i shouldn’t. but in many cases, i proceeded anyway, ignored my voice – especially if no one was around to catch me in the act. i mean, it can’t be too bad if no one knows what i did, right? uhh… wrong. for so many reasons – the first is that i, in essence, exclude myself from being a ‘one’. like i don’t count or something. or even matter. also, i knew what i did. or was doing. and obviously, if i began to fear the wrath of others, did i truly absolve me from the wrath of myself? the answer is no. in fact, i found myself being harder on me, than any of those i feared could have been. in secret, of course.

‘oh my God, i can’t believe you did that!’, i’d think to myself, as i launched in to full force guilt and shame for what i thought were anonymous actions. two emotional responses playing the role of internal oppressor, rearing their ugly heads when faced with others doing the same things i’ve done. placing me into the role of ‘someone else’ worthy of being feared. their judge and jury. yeah. quite the cycle.

the thing is, the cycle doesn’t end until we stand up for ourselves and take full responsibility for the choices behind our actions. until we stop before we act and choose to honor our divine spirit, instead of fearing the judgment of others. the cycle continues until we choose to do only the things that we feel good about doing and can live with in the aftermath, whether someone else knows or doesn’t know.

i know that all of this is so much easier said than done. seriously. i struggle – even after having this awareness. but. i will share a few things i’ve started to do to get my compass aligned with me:

first, i’m becoming mindful of my actions. noticing the things that i do, as i do them. i am moving with intention throughout my days, so that i am forced to think, before i act.

next, i ask myself whether i think i should do this or that or whatever. will i be able to live peacefully with myself once this is all said and done? i must act accordingly to what my moral compass is telling me. and i am referring to my true moral compass. not the one-size-fits-all society issued one, fully calibrated to match those of my peers. no, this is the one that is in tune with me, my authentic self.

lastly, because there are instances where my compass may be a bit rusty or take me into uncharted waters, i am offering the gift of instant forgiveness to myself. understanding my humanity and having compassion for it. accepting the truth of my imperfection. being sure to give it when faced with modern day reminders of a not-so-distant past in the actions of another… instead of accepting the role of ‘everyone else’, and judging our actions, i am able to offer forgiveness, focused solely on me and the things that i’ve done. i do this because i know that the things i see in others that cause discomfort, are never about the other person. thus, releasing the pangs of shame and guilt before they even have the ability to force me into an internal tailspin.

and through this, i am finding a peace and freedom that i didn’t know existed. releasing the judgments, the doubt, the fear… wishing the same for all of you.

5 comments on “in good conscience

  1. sara

    yes, developing and then following the movement of our inner compass. I think much of my work over the last 10 years has been around this. In fact, I think this is where I started, because I like to be comfortable. It sounds a strange way of looking at things, but comfort is important to me (a taurus heavy chart) – not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. And it is impossible to be comfortable if I’m hating on myself for doing things i regret. So i think: am I going to regret saying, doing this? And then it progresses into is this really what i want to do? And then: is this what the Divine wants for me? And so it goes 🙂

    • rachel m. walls

      you are lucky if this is where you started. i’ve experienced so much chaos along my path because i didn’t know this. in fact, it JUST occurred to me a few days back – that divine aha moment, followed by an overwhelming peace. i like the questions you ask yourself. i may borrow them for my step two. 🙂 thank you, as always for helping me along the journey.

      and ftr, this realization came up on day 4 of my heart opening kriya… *big smile of gratitude!*

  2. sara

    Big smile of gratitude right back 🙂 I don’t know if it’s lucky – you know, we all have to start somewhere. You just didn’t need to know that yet because you were too busy learning other stuff – that probably I’m yet to learn xo I’m on day 25, and STILL the learning is happening. It seems this second half is where i get to put the realisations into practice…and there is a reason why I have avoided conflict all of my life. Cos it’s unpleasant and I don’t like it!

    • rachel m. walls

      as i read this, i thought – who would like conflict… and then i remembered – me. i grew up in constant chaos and so continued to create it in my adult life because i was used to it. if there was peace, i’d find a way to ruffle the water… i didn’t like it. but needed it – warmth by friction. now i find myself avoiding it… which isn’t healthy either. hmm… to find the balance. 🙂

      • sara

        yes, the balance 🙂


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This entry was posted on 2014/08/23 by in self, social, uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , .

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